DoItAnyway2

At the beginning of Recognizing and Changing Money Patterns, I said that I would share the Money Stories of several others who participated in the Money Matters workshop. I'm presenting the following Story of Joyce Cole, because she is a personal friend, and she was very much involved in our lives, and in our ongoing money lessons.

When Joyce attended our Money Matters workshop she talked about her pattern: "giving money away, losing it, or having it taken away from her." She said that's because she didn't feel worthy. The participants in our Money Matters support group suggested she start saying "No," and we outlined some steps for changing the pattern. The first time one of her daughters asked for rent money, Joyce said "No," and scared herself. She felt they'd end-up on the street, and her guilt was unbearable. But she remained firm, saying to her daughter, and business partner, Bernice, "I said you could stay here two-weeks, until you find a place to live, but you've been here over a month, so you must make other arrangements."

The pattern fought for it's life, and Joyce felt she would die, but remained firm. Bernice found other solutions, and it all worked for good; a victory for all concerned, as Joyce stopped enabling and actually crippling those who'd become dependent upon her.

settlement was running out, and her business income had not yet kicked-in. Then fear became so intense she felt paralyzed, almost incapacitated, and took to her bed -- her safe space and comfort zone.

thoughts. They vacillated between abject fear and blind faith as I'd recall the past childhood issues that brought me to this place. Often God would give me insights such as, 'Your greatest weakness is your greatest strength.'"

She continued, "I know I have these fears, but I'm going to do it anyway." With her permission I share Joyce's fascinating story of tenacity and the will to succeed. I've never known anyone push through so many obstacles and keep going. "If I can do this, anybody can," she offers as encouragement to others involved in multi-level-marketing(MLM).

twenty-eight-years married to an alcoholic, and raising my family doesn't count in the job market," so I keep choosing this multi-level marketing company, because I know the potential for success. I just have to push through my fears."

She replied, "I say to myself, 'Okay, what's the worse scenario?' It's like roller skating. I kept falling down, and I was scared. I had to decide if I would deny myself the pleasure of skating, or face my fear. The worst scenario is ending up in a body cast, and I figured I could live through that, so I just kept going, and enjoying myself." Joyce concludes, "The worst scenario in my MLM business would be losing my home, and car, and becoming homeless. I don't like those choices, so I decided to make the business prosper. Then I had to ask myself, 'What's the fear of being successful?' The answer, much to my surprise, came loud and clear, "I'd have to give my

She continues, "In trying to overcome my fear of people I'd recall some of the few times with my mom. She'd buy ice cream cones at the mall, then we'd people-watch while eating. In recalling these times with Mom, I realized that I actually like people, but at a distance. I didn't want to get involved. I tried to do the same with my MLM business, but it didn't work.

"I deathly feared people, so much I decided to build my business calling"800"numbers. I figured this way I wouldn't have to get involved. But eventually I had to relate one-to-one and it frightened me. So I kept sabotaging myself so I wouldn't have any customers. Thank God Bernice kept working, while I worked through my stuff. But my fear was so strong it kept people

When I first met Joyce she'd begun an intensive process of healing and recovery with the help of rebirthing and the Twelve Step program, Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. I knew how deep she had dug to unburden herself from those traumatic childhood experiences. And as horrendous as were the others, her fear of abandonment was the most grueling.

As a single mother, and unable to keep her child, Joyce's mom took her to a Catholic convent boarding school. Having lived in one myself awhile, I know the austerity and emptiness. Yet my brief experience was nothing compared to Joyce's shifting from there to foster homes, then back to the convent. No security, no love, no belonging. Her message spoke loudly, "I'm not wanted, I'm not lovable, I'm not okay. Life is hopeless, to be endured."

But this was to be programmed as "good" by the nuns who taught "poverty is holy." The more pain, suffering, and sorrow, the more holy. Now there's a pattern that's hard to overcome because it's repeated over and over for many years into a young, gullible mind. And everything in Joyce's life confirmed the teachings of suffering and sorrow.

childhood memory came at Christmas when Mom had promised that I could come home for a visit." The excited six-year-old boarded the bus alone in Banning (Ca.) where the priest left her.

She continues her story, "I rode alone the hundred miles to Indio where mother was to meet me. But she wasn't there, so I went inside and sat down. Still no mother. I was terrified. After many hours, I went to the bathroom, but didn't have any money for the pay-toilet, so I crawled under the door. I felt humiliated and embarrassed because my clean clothes had gotten dirty. I returned to the bench and waited until the depot was closing. I feared being left all alone in that empty bus station, but the attendant called the police and took me to the police station. I knew Mom's last name, but not her address; I only knew where she worked, so they called her boss. When Mom came, she was angry because she 'might get fired' because I woke up her boss. Can you imagine, I was only six-years-old, yet I was made wrong for being left alone at the bus station."

"Seems she'd met an earlier bus, and I wasn't there, so she went home to bed." Joyce continued, "Needless to say, I was terrorized over the incident, so from then on Mom threatened to send me to the police if I didn't behave. The fear of abandonment became obsessive." With this background it's easy to understand why Joyce married the first available person when she was fifteen. Two years and a baby (Bernice) later, she realized she'd made a mistake, so divorced.

Then Joyce worked to support herself and child until she remarried. At least she had security and a home for the next 28 years, even though her husband was an alcoholic. She had two more girls, and an extremely dysfunctional environment. Joyce's comment on those years typifies her humor, "Finally after the girls were raised and married, enlightenment came, and I realized that there was an alternative -- divorce. But after so many years, I was paralyzed. I hardly knew how to function in the world."

Now the job of reclaiming her life began, and that's when we met, at a new-thought church. Giving up her home was the most frightening ordeal Joyce had faced because it meant sacrificing security. But the court insisted so that the money could be divided, Finally the house sold and she had thirty days to move. This was even more frightening. Selling her precious antiques and furniture seemed overwhelming as piece-by-piece her life's possessions left. Yet that same tenacity that kept her keeping- on, helped her through the turmoil. Finally, in desperation, she found an apartment, and moved.

Because of property-tax-rules, her accountant advised Joyce to buy a home, so happily she found her own safe-space in a seniors complex. At last, security. But the knowledge that her funds would not last forever gnawed her consciousness keeping her in anxiety. She prayed for guidance.

Joyce and I had not been in contact for awhile before that seminar, and didn't even know the other was coming. However, it was destiny that brought us there, because during the relationship segment everyone walked around the room, looked into each other's eyes and said, "I love you."

At that time I was not active, but I was a partner, so I raised my hand. And then the facilitator went on to extol the virtues of this form of business for income. He concluded that segment by asking those who raised their hands more questions, such as the business name, and our financial goals.

I'm sure the seminar experience influenced Joyce, because the next day my daughter, Dottie, talked to Joyce about our MLM's weight-management program, and suggested she sign up, as a Distributor, at least for the discount.

At first she shared with her daughter, Bernice, and they decided to become business partners. And then she signed-up another daughter. Soon she ran out of family, so started telling friends. But now the fears came forth in full sway.

Every "No' meant rejection; and rejection brought pain, and she would seek solace in the comfort-zone of her bed. The abandonment patterns became so overpowering she daily threatened to quit. But she didn't. While in bed she would pray and ask God's help and guidance. She began to understand people were not rejecting her, but the product, for whatever reason.

The article said that every "no" is worth money, because percentages show that it takes so many "no's" to get a "yes." He even showed a formula for determining the dollar-value of each "no." So Joyce learned to accept the "no's" as part of the "yes.' Gradually she could stay up longer, and face more people.

She decided that her fear of people kept them from her, so she avoided individual contact by leaving flyers on doors. After several weeks without response, she and Bernice began placing flyers on cars in parking lots. This was fun, but whenever someone spoke, or asked about the products she froze.

This is when she began calling "800" numbers. She figured she wouldn't have to face them in person, but could handle it by phone or letter; and Bernice did most of the talking. However, the investment for the special number far outweighed the financial return, and she realized the effort of servicing them was worse than dealing with them in person. So daily she and Bernice went to parking lots and put flyers on windshields.

But the lack of response was disheartening, so they began presenting the products and program to small businesses. Still "no's," but they were doing something, and they were getting experience.

Joyce's self-confidence increased, and she decided to invest in twelve cases of products and become a Supervisor. Now she had product to sell, so to avoid individual contact, she set-up a booth at the San Luis Rey Mission Fair. However she hadn't anticipated the one cloudy, misty weekend in a five-year drought. Nor had she realized that people at fairs are into fun, not health-drinks. Bottom line: despite the number of people, no one bought her products. She realized that her fear of people again kept them away like a huge sign proclaiming "STAY AWAY."

Undaunted, Joyce flew to Hawaii with Dottie and Steve to attend a company training. The experience ignited Joyce's enthusiasm. She began sharing the company and products' virtues with more friends and acquaintances, and their first signed up Distributor became a moment of rejoicing for us all, as we rang bells and shouted for joy.

Now she had something she could build on; a "yes." But this person was local, and now she had to deal with one-to-one follow-up and support. The fear intensified. "I can't do it. I won't do it," she staunchly stated. So Steve took her by the hand and walked her through. I gave emotional support, and Ralph helped with the financial issues. Dottie also gave encouragement.

However, things still did not go smoothly, because by this time her divorce settlement money was depleting, and panic now took over. Her security-money-issues triggered. She could see herself kicked out on the street and becoming a bag-lady.

Completely beaten she retreated to her bed and prayed between tears of frustration and hopelessness. One day she released it by asking God to remove the fear, and give her the answers and guidance. At this point of surrender she began to feel faith take over. She knew this business would work, if she worked it, so the got out of bed and started taking one-step-at-a-time.

When I asked how she survived the financial crunch, she said, "I lived on credit cards, and the faith 'It's going to happen.' And from your emotional support working with my money matters I learned not to sabotage myself and my business.

An important part of Joyce's keeping-on-keeping-on involved her relationship with her inner child. She'd done much recovery and personal healing work, including rebirthing, adult children, and other, so she and her child-within have good communications.

She explained the process, "I'd talk with my inner child and tell her it's not up to her. I'll do the work, all you have to do is play and have fun. When I do MLM business, I tell her we're going to play. And I reward her after a good day. This is so she won't sabotage the business by negative projections."

therapist, or minister, or psychologist; something where I could be of service. But none of those worked for me. This does. It's a fulfillment for me, because I feel like I'm helping people. This is a great company and I'm proud to be part of it. For a small investment anyone can own their own business and attain success. If I can do it, anyone can. I see this company as win, win, win for everyone. I'm a good listener, and I'm able to tune into people and their health and money needs, and give them a choice."

At this point as I sat on my bed talking to Joyce over the phone, a blinding flash of light followed by a bed-shaking roar of thunder reminded me that our five-year drought was ending.

myself. I've learned from books like No Ordinary People by Dan Millman, and I'm learning from lots of different people in our upline; from Steve I learned to answer a question with a question when I didn't know the answer. And from Ralph I learned how to close (complete a transaction). From Dottie I learned to get my paperwork in order.

"Well, I carry my gift bottle of KM wherever I go, and I talk about it. I'm still afraid of people, but I do it anyway. I've quit giving it away. Some people don't want the gift, so I'm discerning where I give it. I know it's not for everybody, and I don't take the no's personally.

"Bernice is a flamboyant Leo, so when I get overwhelmed and hide in my bed or car, she drags me out. And if I can't make it, she goes anyway. And that's okay too. I now have so much enthusiasm for the business, but I hate paperwork and follow-ups, so Bernice does it. We just keep going. And the best part is the changed lives resulting from the products and the business.

Another flash of lightning seemed to conclude the phone interview, but I had one more question, "Do you have anything to say to others struggling through their Money Matters issues?"

Now, with Ralph returned, he and Joyce decided to become partners and support each other in a door-to-door attempt to sell products. Happy and excited, he and Joyce worked together to build our MLM businesses. Flyers had been easily prepared, and they daily passed them out on doorsteps, or wherever they felt guided. Downliners who got sidetracked from the business again became involved. It was working!

Ralph settled into his daily routine, which took all morning getting ready, then doing paperwork, and several days a week meeting Joyce for the door-to-door soliciting.

Some days worked for them, others didn't; but the first month brought forth about fifty retail sales. We all felt certain this was the way to go as June gave way to July, and the heat of August. But with the cool coastal summer their spirits were unvanquished, until they realized they weren't making repeat sales on return visits. Nevertheless, they tapped new territory with new products as they trudged up and down hills waving at the familiar gardeners, and laughing that the dogs no longer barked.